Some time between 7 and 7:30 pm on June 30th 2016 I heard three gun shots.
That alone would not be unusual here in Starrucca PA, there are gunshots all the time. These were different, they were close, sharp cracks, unlike what I’ve heard before. I was concerned about RO, I was alway concerned about him roaming. But it’s was a warm night and it wasn’t quite time for him to come in for dinner. I had given him a large late lunch around 3:30. The hope being he would get hungry before it was too late come home to eat and stay close as it get dark. This was our habit my plan to try and keep him safe and free. And the constant checking in on him helped me feel like i had some control.
At sunset around 8:40 he still had not come home and this was little unusual, how ever the last few night had been very warm and he had stayed out in the dark much later. I went in edited a photos till it was nearly dark. Put the head set on and went out to look for him and Achilles. It wasn’t dark enough to need it to see but helped illuminate the boys eyes making them easier to spot and track down. As soon as i poked out the front door I saw him. but turned out it was Achilles in his corner hunting spot. This was a place i found RO often sitting patiently waiting for the mice to come down out of the studio wall and for him to pounce. Just the night before like so many other he had been there. he knew the drill, he’d stretch. lean his head up to my hand as i approached and then i’d scoop him up, as he collapsed into my shoulder. there was no fuss, he was happy for me to pick him up and bring him in, Achilles in tow. I’d feed him, then he’d be off to one of him many sleeping spots, resting for tomorrows adventures.
a little after 9 as it was getting dark I walked out to look for him again. this was a daily ritual, only some time successful. I walked out to the end of the driveway. thinking about a few nights ago, when in the pitch black of no moon I had looked up the road to Susan’s and seen his eyes. Intern he sprinted (down the middle of the road i might add which bothered me) straight too me. the whole quarter mile. then up in my arms and drapepd over my shoulder. Scratching his neck like he likes and carrying him in the whole way without resistance, then food, then bed. But tonight he wasn’t there.
A pick up truck drove up. It came out of Trish’s driveway. I saw him pulling out and headed back up my drive way. Not wanting to talk to the locals. He stopped at the end of the driveway.
Do you have a cat?
I have two
I found a gray one up on the rail trail he seems hurt pretty bad.
I doubt he’s mine but I’ll have a look with you.
I climb in meet his dog bo, we negcoiate seating which includes Bo half covering me. Seems like a friendly pup.
we drive up the hill, the same one RO ran down the other night. I always worried since it is a blind hill and he crosses often, I was hoping he had not been hit.
the driver turns, and starts down the path. past susan’s house where the boys would hang out. he continues down the trail. Way down the trail. I ask where we are going, no knowing who’s pick up i had just gotten into. Much farther than i assumed RO would travel. had to be another cat. Once we repast the gate that over looks the town and has a straight line of sight to the studio. Where i had heard the gun shots a few hours earlier. I see him. curled up in a little ball. not moving. a plate of food and milk in front of him. untouched.
“He’s not mine but let’s go have a look” as i get out of the car, the drive stays in.
However two step and i know he’s mine. Rodger.
I run and carefully scoop him up, he collapses into my should just like always. I can feel his neck is wet, his right eye red with blood, both out of focus. but no time to review i climb in the back of the pick up.
the driver weaves backwards the half mile to the road. drives me to my door. I clim out and Rodger howls as i moved him in a painful way.
thank you
he doesn’t look at me but but says don’t
I’m in the house.
I set him down just inside the door not he floor mat, get some bandages and some light and see how he is.
Achilles approaches the commotion and sniffs at RO, very tentative.
As i hold a bandage overs neck, bent and twisted unnaturally to the right he leans into it. I can feel the warms. he must have been cold.
though the tears I work the phone, see a message form Trish asking if I’m home.
yes come over please i manage.
I get his red blanked from in front of the fire place. to put him on and keep him warmer.
no replay form trish. I call my vet. sent to a message service, then to the vet.
I tell him it looks like he had been attacked maybe a hawk or eagle. he has a puncture wound/hole in his cheek under his eye, and a large wound on his neck and ear and a long scratch on his right shoulder. Bird attack is my first thought.
he sounds drink (fine it’s 10 pm) he has no blood, doesn’t want to help. refers me to an clinic in Wilks-Bare, I call they suggest Clarks summit.
Still no message form Trish. I try calling. She picks up,
RO’s been attacked Can you drive me
of course.
We drive the 54 min to the vet. RO is uncomfortable from the shaking of the potted road but mostly comfortable I fee his warmth. I crash the other side of his neck and sooth him. At one point he adjust his position, he can’t lift his head properly, kicks out his real legs and spins around trying to find a comfortable resting place.
I carry him in.
they take him in the back I tell them what i think happened, a raptor attack. hey stables him with fluids, and pain meds.
at this point. they are of no more help.
It is always too much money, too much effort, no way to fix it, no way to help him.
How much is an Xray,
“$1000.”
fine
still they don’t
MRI
“5K, 10K he may not even make it.”
Do it. So we know
“We can see part of his brain.”
His soul is cracked, his brain stem is damaged, that is why he can’t focus or sync his eyes. He is dizzy, he can’t find his center.
“I would have no problem with putting him down based on his injuries. No second guessing.” She continues .
Still they do none of the things I ask for. Are surprised when he is responsive to me, will move back towards me when I move.
they leave to give me time
as much as you need.
I lay with him curled up in my chest and belly, just like he does when we sleep every night (except the last). He is warm he is comfortable, it seems but how canyon know.
They are in and out several more time.
Surprised when I move that RO moves to get back close to me. But so much time. So much indecision. So much fear.
Overtime i climb the summit she asks if I’m sure.
No i’m not sure.
I’m not sure anything.
I only want him to be okay. I want to patch him up. hold him. but will he ever walk? will he be blind will he be able to use the little box, walk up the stairs or climb into bed with me. Will he even know it’s me. But he seem to.
I asked and you gave me numbers.
I asked and you told me not worth it
I asked and you told me nothing to do. that you would be okay with it.
and now you ask and ask and ask me to demand to kill by cat. my friend. my eyes.
She does it.
A large inhale. then his eyes, out of focus, bloodied, go flat. He is really gone. Completely
They wrap him in his blanket he is heavy and warm and i can barely walk.
they watch me leave.
we drive home
Trish talks
3 am I get home, Achilles is scared and confused. Unroll Rodger and lay him on his blanket. Upstairs Achilles and sleep fitfully till 5 am.
I make coffee, visit with RO, wander the property trying to find the place for him.
I gather wood from eh crate the wood burning stove came in, and some of the last overs from the shelves. I measure him, and then build him a casket.
I place him in it with his blanket. some flowers. his favorite spring toys. I put out some food and candles in his dish. His fur is still soft, there is not a mark on him on this side, his eyes are closed. I decide it would be too cold under the ground.